...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
