Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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