i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
