Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
