I wish I only lived at night.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
