you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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