Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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