well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
