i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
