So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
