I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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