I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
