Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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