No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
