Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
