I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
