I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
