Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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