we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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