the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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