4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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