Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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