my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
