Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Come on in and take your pants off
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
