In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
