Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
