I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
