carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
