Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
