hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
