In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
