we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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