you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
