the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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