I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
