you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
