I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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