In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
