Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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