He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
