I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
