You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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