Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
