I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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