OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
