Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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