she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
