South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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