my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
