I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
