Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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