____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
