I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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