I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
