I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
