Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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