my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
