you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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