I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
